Full Circle - Day 13

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Day 13

Ivan nodded reflectively. “Alexandria had screamed, your mother panicked and suddenly all hell seemed to break loose. I had to think quickly. I had to do something to commandeer the situation that was rapidly spinning out of control. Your mother tried to call 911. I stopped her. I had to. We argued. She pleaded with me to do something… something to save Camille.” He paused. He felt as though he was again transported back to that horrible night. He could feel all of the same fear and grief he had felt then. His heart began to race and his breathing became labored.
Viola could see that this was beginning to take its toll on him. ‘Ivan, I think maybe we have all had as much of this as we can take right now. Why don’t we just…”
“No,” Victoria said quickly. “We need to…”
“She’s right,” Ivan said, cutting her off. “We need to finish this now. I can’t keep going back there. I can’t.”
“So what happened, Father?” Victoria asked, her words filled with an undeniable urgency.
Ivan sighed. “Well, your mother refused to believe that it was already too late to save Camille. I sent Nanny out of the room with Alexandria. They were both too hysterical to be of any use.” He stopped, realizing just how cold and harsh his words must sound to them all. But it had happened that way, and he had to tell it that way.
No one dared to speak. Ivan went on. “With them out of the room, I was able to get your mother reasonably calmed down. I tried to get her to leave the room, but she refused. I didn’t have time to fuss with her. I had to…” his voice broke as tears steadily began to fall from his eyes. “I had to get rid of the body. Oh dear God,” he sobbed openly now. “I had to get rid of Camille.”
Viola cried too now . She saw how much this was tearing her husband apart. She also knew he would still be determined to go on. Her heart ached for him as she walked over to him and let her hand rest lightly on his arm. Ivan looked up at her, his eyes no longer able to mask the raw pain he felt inside. As he pulled her into his arms, tears streaming down his cheeks, he clung to her like a small child. Viola knew she could continue to unravel the past for him, she knew all the details of that awful night. But she also knew that this was something that Ivan needed to do himself.
No one moved. No one said a word as they watched Ivan transform from the powerful, threatening figure he had always appeared to be, to the crumpled heap that now lay in his wife’s arms.
Everyone remained silent, lost in their own painful thoughts. No one knew how much time had passed before Ivan began to silently attempt to regain his composure. By now, he was exhausted and rather embarrassed by his emotional display. He still felt torn between the two worlds… Ivan the Mighty Vs Ivan the father and husband, the man. Mechanically, he pulled a crisp white handkerchief from his suit pocket and wiped his eyes, “I apologize for my… for my,” he paused, searching for the words, but finding none appropriate.
“For what, Father?” Alexandria asked. “For finally allowing yourself to be human? For showing some degree of pain or guilt or whatever it is that you’re feeling?”
Ivan nodded. Her words were spoken in anger, but they were true nonetheless. His life motto had always been that ‘any show of emotion, good or bad, was a sign of a weakened animal- ready for the kill.’ He had shared this belief with his children from a very early age.
Viola gave Ivan’s arm a gentle squeeze. “Yes,” he said softly. “where was I?”
“You were getting rid of Camille. Don’t you remember, Father?” Victoria asked, darkly.
“Victoria, we are not going to do it this way.” Viola spoke up quickly. “Did you want your father to be honest, no matter how awful the truth really is? Or did you want him to give you a watered down version of what happened? You choose. But don’t hate him for honoring your request.”
Ivan looked at his wife, silently thanking her with his eyes. “Well,” he said softly, hesitantly. “Camille was already lying on your mother’s favorite Oriental rug, so I… I rolled her up in it… And I carried her out to my car,” he added, his words barely audible.
“And then…” he paused, he didn’t know if they actually wanted to hear every detail, but he needed to tell them. Maybe then he could actually be free, if that was even possible.
“I followed you out to the car,” Viola offered, her words spoken slowly and filled with great pain..
Ivan nodded. “Yes, you followed me out and tried to stop me when I told you I was going to take her to the rail yard and bury her there.” The words were more difficult for Ivan to say than he actually let on. He squared his shoulders and prepared himself to just make his way through the rest of it, unaware of Victoria’s reaction to what he had just said.
Victoria gasped. Covering her mouth with her hands, she now understood why she had been drawn to the rail yards when she had first arrived back in Windsor. At this point, she had no earlier recollections of going there, but something told her she had definitely made more than just the one trip. This revelation left her speechless, but she said nothing as she waited for her father to continue.
Be sure to look for the continuation of this story in about 3 days.